Flourishing during Unexpected, Uncertain and Unwanted Change
Our world and university are managing an unprecedented change that affects everyone who is connected to this community. How do we healthfully manage the wide range of emotions and thoughts associated with this pandemic?
The Psychology of Change
All change is accompanied by stress because our minds are aware that we’re leaving or losing something that was known and moving towards something that is uncertain. The mind processes that as loss and fear/worry. Even positive change is stressful. But if the change is unexpected, unwanted, and accompanied by greater uncertainty than normal, the experience of loss and worry are amplified.
Students left for Spring Break, many of them tired from midterms and relishing the opportunity to restore, have fun, or engage in meaningful service projects. Some were hoping this would be their best Spring Break because it was the last before they graduated. Some were heading to conference competitions. By the beginning of Spring Break, some students were changing their plans due to travel warnings, but few could have anticipated that they would not be returning. Many of our international students who were staying could not have anticipated that their community of peers and friends would not be returning.
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There are also the personal and cultural factors that can serve to buffer or amplify our feelings. Some are excited by change, some dread it. Some like control, others need it. Some manage uncertainty by faith, others manage uncertainty by the search for facts and data. Some come from cultures where they have experienced awfulness and trauma, some come from cultures that have been relatively protected. None of these are binary, they are a continuum and we’re dynamic, we move on these continuums.
We’re all in it. We’re in the loss, we’re in the worry. And while we’re all in it, our personal experiences of it can be widely variable.
So what do we do about it?
How do we flourish through unwanted uncertainty?
The “Work” of Wellness & Resilience
Fear has its PlaceFear is actually a healthy, protective emotion that is associated with importance and our perceived level of control. We can’t feel fear over something unimportant to us. When we worry, it’s always about something that matters to us. Worry is about the future and its function is to protect us from future hurt. The problem is that our body has trouble distinguishing from what we’re really experiencing versus what we’re imagining. So if we’re worrying about something that may happen, our body will start reacting in anticipation of it or as if it is already happening. This creates stress and, if not managed properly, leads to strain. Th |
The Trap of Chasing Calm or HappinessSo, how do you keep fear in its healthy perspective? For many, it looks like an intense rush to things that are soothing, calming and that evoke happy feelings. Unfortunately, this is a trap during unexpected, unwanted change. It over-sensitizes us to our current emotions and we start to over-define ourselves by the emotions we are currently feeling. So, rather than chasing calm, strive for healthy self-care. Instead of chasing happiness, strive for purpose and meaning. Trust is the one thing that keeps fear in perspective. But it’s not passive trust. It’s not “Oh, I just have faith everything will be okay.” It’s a deeper form of trust. It’s a trust in knowing what is important to you each day, what it looks like in action, what it looks like healthy, and when it’s hard and unfair, what healthy coping looks like. That is the deepest form of trust. That kind of trust takes work but it’s work that leads to resilience. |
Become Values-Focused Amidst Uncertainty圣 |
Understand your Personal Experience of Change/LossWe can confidently infer that everyone is experiencing change right now. But we can’t generalize what this change means for every student, parent, faculty and staff member. Take time to reflect and understand what this change truly means to you and don’t judge what you learn. As you understand how this is affecting you, it’s then important to determine how you want to talk about it with others. Be mindful of the support you are seeking and look for people who can provide that type of support. Be sensitive to the support others are seeking from you. Be sensitive to impact. You may want to talk a lot about this, but others may not. Some may want to have intellectual conversations, while others want to process their feelings. It’s also okay to boundary how much you are there for others; keep your wellbeing at a high priority. |
Possibility versus ProbabilityFear causes the possible to feel probable. When something unwanted is probable, we feel compelled to act in a protective manner. Fear distorts what is probable, so we should try to discern the probable from the possible. Keep your actions and decisions focused on the probable. For instance, I may start “what if-ing” my way to an awful scenario if I were to contract the virus until my body starts responding as if that is going to happen and my actions will follow that panicked scenario. But given what I know about me and my health, given what I have learned from credible sources about the virus, given the preventive measures I am taking, and given the plan I have in case I contract the virus, it is probable that nothing awful is going to happen if I get sick. Is it possible that something awful could happen to me? Yes. Is it probable? No. 一个 |
Stay Informed, Not StuckAs we try to better understand this crisis for our individual and community wellbeing, it is easy to get sucked into a ruminative pattern of information seeking. Be open to the impact that your information gathering is having on you. Set healthy boundaries. It’s important to remember that the vast number of news portals are vying to hold your attention so you’ll stay with them as their news source. Instead, search for credible sources that can update you in a few brief minutes. Brief news podcasts are often a way to stay updated without being caught in a loop of evocative media. It is also okay to boundary conversations with others and encourage them to move to other topics. |
Soothing versus Self-CareWhen we are managing difficult emotions, it is normal for us to want to feel better. We want to soothe. When we intend to soothe, we are vulnerable to choosing actions that will change brain chemistry quickly and make us feel better. The things that change brain chemistry the quickest are food, drugs, sex, pain and compelling entertainment. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these things, even the pain associated with exercise. What matters is the intention. When the intention is to feel better, we typically don’t moderate our actions well. Food, alcohol, exercise and Netflix can move from enjoyable activities to unhealthy, excessive, rigid patterns that eventually become problems in themselves. Self-care, by contrast, is the intention to be healthy. When we intend to be healthy rather than rushing to feel better, we manage and moderate our choices better. And it’s okay if the result of our self-care results in feeling better, it just shouldn’t be the primary reason. If I know it is healthy for me to go on a run, and I find it enjoyable and feel better after a run, then that’s just a bonus. But if I need to feel better, what happens if I go on a run and come home still feeling worried or upset? I will either stop running all together because it didn’t work, or I will run farther and longer until I exhaust myself, or I will choose something more potent to change my brain chemistry. Learn what the difference between enjoyable, healthy self-care and unhealthy soothing looks like for you. 它 When working with injured athletes and performing artists, we will often use their recovery period as a time to develop new skills in coping and self-care. During this challenging transition, consider adding a new tool to your resilience toolkit. Take a virtual mindfulness class, learn meditation, engage in a remote creative art therapy course, find out what all this fuss is about breathing, sign up for a remote personal training program, learn to play a musical instrument. See this as an opportunity to grow during hardship. |
3 Steps to Coping with Unwanted Change房颤 |
Courage TrainingBeing healthy and resilient during unexpected, uncertain, and unwanted change is hard. There’s no getting around the work of wellness. But it’s only hard. When we see this work as hard, and only hard, we can step into the work more readily. Because we’ve all done hard. And that’s what courage is – engagement in something right that is hard. It is right to manage this current challenge in a healthy manner. You deserve to be healthy and to flourish. The goal is not to do this fearlessly or calmly, but to engage in this hard, right thing while afraid and upset. Let’s be courageous together. The departments of Health & Wellness are continually building additions to our website and W&M Wellness app to create a Virtual Health & Wellness space. We are posting videos and articles that are designed to enhance your wellness. We recently had over 160 people join our first live, remote yoga class! Our live programs will also be recorded so they can be played back at your convenience. |
